Why were you late?
I was just late.
Why were you late?
The sermon was pretty good today huh?
He’s been here before, weren’t you here the last time?
When was that? Was it during the holiday?
You haven’t been coming to service lately. (What the heck?)
http://www.churchesofchrist.net/authors/Brian_Yeager/leadership/badleadership.htm
A few days ago I met with my good friends for afternoon tea.
We talked about difficulties and the people who are being unloving at church.
One of them asked why don’t I leave? And that the same thought had crossed their minds also. One of them actually said something about leaving soon earlier at another time.
But from the last time we talked about this, she had changed. She questions me more now, I don’t feel she trust me as much now.
I am not quite sure what they are doing. I can only be sure of my feelings.
I am uncomfortable in small group because I feel that a lot of things have been planned in advance. I found it strange how we did not have a big group sharing like usual. It was the first time that we had it separately. There are also a few people who just press my buttons a lot. Three of them.
Another thing is that I am not being inside the circle where decisions are being made. They excluded the pastors from meeting, not telling him that there are meetings.
She is very supportive of what is happening, almost to a point where she is quiet defensive. I don’t know who actually talks to her to make her feel this way.
The pain and sadness come when you know where they are heading, that what they doing is wrong, unloving and hurting but you just can’t do anything about it.
I will leave it to God. I will just have to do that. However, in my heart, I feel that what I should do is to confront, to express my view to them, tell them that it’s wrong and ungodly, and that it’s not going anywhere. I want to be honest with them, and I will let them decide what to do. It will be up to their choice on what action they want to take, what decision to make. I then can wash my hands and say I did what I could and I would not regret.
I don’t think I have much power, and part of me want to do whatever I can to turn people around from wrong. There’s only a little I can do, such as telling others what I have seen, what I feel, how I feel hurt, how I am disappointed and saddened, and warn them of the road they are travelling on. And then it’s up to them. And it will be up to God. And then I can go with a free heart.
He was the friend someone can have. He was caring, brave, loyal, honest. Someone you can trust with your secrets. Where can you start? He can be firm, flexible, stern, funny. He has a wonderful wife who he raised a wonderful family together. Many of us, even though we don’t want to say so publicly, envy the bonds he had with his family. They were just a bumch of great people to be with. They are always helpful when you have a problem, generous, both with their materials and their words. They care a bout people and you can see there is God in them. In fact, he is one of the reason I am a Christian today. He spent his time mentoring me, building me and many others up. I believe a lot of us have experienced his encouragement, support and etc. It was wonderful being with his family. They are supportive and talented. They are musical. We are all benefactors of his kindness.
Even though he was friendly, he had his principles and you better now cross them.
He had his problems. But he did the best he could for us. He did his very best. He always wanted us to learn more about ourselves, about the people around us, the world around us. he wanted us to expand our horizon, to be exposed to different cultures and people. He wanted us to be sympathetic to others. He wanted us to make positive impact in the owrld. But most of all, he wanted us to know God really well. From an young age, he told care that we went to church, a good church. He wanted us to be leaders, people who can lead themsevles and inspire others to be better human being.
Whenever we could afford it both in time and money, he would take us to vacation. As soon as we were old enough to make sense of things, we went back to Hong Kong and China, where our faimly roots are. He wanted to know where we came from and that even though we were born in Australia, we are Chinese. And that we have relatives and our people in China who needs God desperately. First we just visited places domestically. Then internationally. We went to clearer, more urban or civilized place at first but as most of us reached teen, we went to dirtier places, less developed places like India, Malaysia, Cambodia and other places. He encouraged us to go on missions.
He was a devoted father and wanted the best for us, but also for God and the world. He
http://lightofletters.blogspot.com/2012/03/dr-larry-crabb-on-spiritual-abuse.html
Going through with this experience, there are several symptoms and they actually affect my mood, happiness, emotions and memory. I have been very forgetful the past few months I guess because my head has been occupied with this and it is like a really bitter break up.
Part of me is in denial, part of me is very bitter and angry.
People, well, some people in the fellowship have been nice or even nicer to be than usual. I guess the good people and the people I have somewhat a connection with are nicer to me.
They kind of know at least one person who ousted my dad, the senior pastor.
I talked to the head deacon who is friendly to me but I find his answers unsatisfactory. I know he knows what the problem is but he doesn’t not want to or is just too afraid to. He’s a victim himself. People used him. He is a okay guy, a good person with some character issue (but who doesn’t) but he was used by others. He didn’t know the beginning and ends of things and was manipulated.
That’s what I am very upset about. It’s basically just 2-3 people who were really pushing and wanted the head pastor out and then there are like another handful who were influenced to do the dirty work. And it hurts everyone.
It is sad.
People have been nicer to me but there is this drift, there is a spiritual pain, an awkwardness that is more apparent. There are a lot of speculation. People ask me if I am leaving or not and I get upset when they ask that.
Some not so close friendships are broken. There are a few people who I was friendly with but now there is just a this awkward stare or reaction. I don’t know what it is. The relationship changed and I didn’t do anything to them, it just changed. They were poisoned. People who don’t know about the bad people, or the beginning and ends of things get fooled. The bad people tries to recruit followers.
We don’t do that actively yet some people and I guess most people know who the good guys are. It’s easy to see.
I don’t get why some people can’t see how those people are abusive. One thing is because they use favouritism. They are very nice, super nice to their followers. People who listen to them.
We don’t do that, we try to be nice and on an equal basis with everyone, especially the head pastor, and not take sides. The church is divided as it is.
People and leaders are not raised because of their goodness, characters, abilities, capabilities but because of their obedience to several powerful people. That’s what a company would be like right? But it shouldn’t happen in a church.
But that’s one kind of leadership which is very worldly. And even the corporate world is better, it is more about ability than listening to a particular boss. It’s about how much you can do for the company, not whether you do according to a particular boss or not. And the boss would use someone with a different opinion but a plan or strategy with better result.
